PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and it is a common mental health condition. PTSD can sometimes occur after an event which was traumatising to that person in some way, either that they went through it themselves, or they saw it happening before their own eyes. For instance, many veterans of war suffer from PTSD in the years after they serve in the military. It can also be something witnessed in childhood, sexual abuse, assault, or another event which has occurred in that person’s life which led them to feel shocked and traumatised. The condition can occur straightaway after the event, or it can take years to show itself.
The good news is that PTSD can be managed and can eventually be overcome, but the person in question needs to recognise that they have a problem and seek help. When left unchecked, PTSD can seriously affect quality of life and can cause night terrors, an inability to leave the house, serious flashbacks, and problems with relationships and intimacy.
A person with PTSD may experience the following:
Dating someone with PTSD can be a challenge, and the biggest part is getting them to open up and talk to you. It is heartbreaking to watch someone you care about in so much pain, but it’s important to realise that you cannot heal them, you cannot take it all away, and sometimes you have to put yourself first too. These are the hardest parts about dating someone with PTSD.
In addition, these are things you must bear in mind or do.
Realise He or She Doesn’t Mean to Hurt You
A common symptom of PTSD is having bouts of rage or anger which are uncontrollable. He or she cannot control it, it comes out of nowhere, and it is not aimed at you. Realising that it is not meant to hurt you, not meant to cause you pain, is a vital step in being able to date someone with PTSD. Knowing how to cope with these outbursts is also important.
Understand That They May Feel They Don’t Deserve Love
PTSD takes away a person’s confidence, and as a result, it strips away at how they feel about themselves. It’s likely that your partner feels they are not worthy of love, and they have problems building trust because they’re always on the lookout for a situation which is considered dangerous. It’s a good idea to look at ways to help reassure him or her that you love them, that you are there for them genuinely. Relationship counselling could be a good option here.
Explore Treatment Options Together
It 100% has to be your partner’s decision to seek help and get treatment for PTSD because, without that willingness to work with health professionals, it simply won’t work. Exploring treatment options together and supporting your partner throughout their treatment will help support and build your bond. One thing to remember, however, is never to dictate to them what they should or shouldn’t do, this has to be their journey.
Realise That You Matter Too
When dating someone with PTSD, it can become very easy to focus all your love and attention on your partner, because you can see they are in pain and they need you. The thing is, you cannot be there for them in the best possible way if you are not looking after your own basic needs. You need space away from the relationships to reconnect with friends and have light, positive experiences. If you don’t do this, you will risk becoming swallowed up by the negativity that your partner may often emit. Giving yourself a break occasionally, and not feeling guilty about it, will allow you to be stronger for your partner.
When dating someone with PTSD it is so important to realise that the condition is a strong one and a very serious one. As with any mental health condition, helping the person realise that they need help is vital, but you cannot and must not push them into something they’re not ready for. This will only backfire and make them move away from you emotionally. A person with PTSD is scared, and you need to be as gentle and understanding as you can be. What you shouldn’t do, however, is to lose yourself in the midst of it all and forget that you matter too.
ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. This condition can cause an individual to experience increased difficulties with attention, focusing, forgetfulness as well as impulsive behaviors. Therefore, you need to learn how to successfully carry on the relationship when dating someone with ADHD.
So, How Do You Know He or She Has ADHD?
Since it is not written on the face and you’re just getting to know him or her, how do you know the person has ADHD? There are basic symptoms that point to inattentive syndrome. And, those symptoms would also cause him or her not to function properly in social settings and other activities. The symptoms include the following;
Let your partner know “we’re in this together”. If you’re dating someone with ADHD, don’t get all worked up because of the situation (it’s obviously a difficult situation). But, learn to handle the condition well, so that you can enjoy the relationship rather than endure it. If you truly care about him or her, learn to be by the person’s side and show selfless support.
This does not mean you shouldn’t have your own life. Of course, you should learn to meet your own emotional needs and help him or see reasons with you, instead of wanting you to be the one playing to his or her side at all times.
Another great support you can give to your date with ADHD is not to take things personal. You should understand that the person is not the one controlling his or her actions (to a great extent). This will help you not to be judgmental about the person’s attitude. Instead, you will be constantly on the lookout for ways to improve your partner’s condition.
Stay in Constant Connection with Each Other
Spending time with your date is very important. So, you should set date nights aside and embark on other fun activities together frequently. Discuss matters that interest both of you. The more time you spend together, the more you learn to understand each other’s needs. Hold hands, hug and get endeared to each other frequently.
Make Eye Contact when You Talk
Making eye contact with your partner when you talk is a great way to get his or her attention and make the person focus on what you’re saying. Also, try to touch the person at the same time to help him or her pay attention and focus on what you have to say.
However, when you make physical contact to help your partner with ADHD focus and pay attention, don’t rub it on them – as though you’re saying “hey, you inattentive dude, I need to touch you and bring your senses back to the moment!” Instead, do it lovingly and tenderly, yet firmly to achieve the intended purpose.
If you have made up your mind to be in a relationship with someone who has ADHD, you should also bear in mind that helping them with organization is one of the supports you have to render. In addition, you also need to help your partner with time management.
For instance, instead of nagging him or her for always being late for your appointments, help your partner get more organized. How do you achieve that? For instance, you can talk about an upcoming date outing or appointment frequently. Additionally, make things easier for him or her to remember by getting the person a daily planner that has large space for penning down daily notes.
Be Prepared for Mood Swings
Rapid mood swings are one of the attributes of people with ADHD. As a result, your date may experience rapid mood swings. You should learn what to do in such situations and how to respond to the mood changes. This will help you manage the relationship better.
You should also help your boyfriend or girlfriend with ADHD discover activities that take attention away from the negative mood. Typical examples of such activities include going to see a movie, talking, and exercising.
Find Out How You Can Help
In addition to your own personal research, you should find out from your partner how you can help with his or her ADHD condition. You should work hand in hand to better manage the side effects and negativities of the condition. So, politely and lovingly find out from him or her what you can do to improve the condition.
Here’s an instance; Debra said she calls herself to order and would constantly ask Williams (her boyfriend with ADHD), “I tend to be selfish sometimes, not patient enough with your condition. But please, let me know how I can make things easier for you and our relationship.”
Seek Additional Help
For instance, consider seeking couples counseling when you’re in a relationship with an ADHD. Convince your partner to go for therapy and assure him or her that you will go with her any time there’s an appointment. Going together and seeking counsel from an expert can help make your relationship better.
It may also help both of you to sincerely express your concerns in the presence of a trusted or professional third party. You would also get to learn better ways of handling the situation with the tips that the professional would provide in the course of the appointment. However, if you’re partner is not comfortable with seeing a therapist or counselor, try not to force the person. Also, you should consider being part of a support group, to help you learn from others how they manage a relationship with someone who has ADHD.
Looking to start a relationship sooner? There are tons of ways people are discovering and finding their dates. You should try safe online dating and attend social events.
Heading off to college is both exciting and terrifying in equal measure. On the one hand, you’re heading off on your own for the first time, meeting new people, experiencing new things, being independent, and starting your adult life. On the other hand, you’re without your parents for the first time, you’re completely out there on your own, and meeting new people can be scary!
All off these concerns melt into the background once the first few days of a college experience are out of the way, and then the attention turns to something else entirely – dating in college.
When you first arrive at college, you’re overwhelmed with everyhing, but then you start to notice all the new guys and girls around you. New opportunities for friendships, and possibly even more.
Most people have a dating experience in college, either with one person or a few. This is a rite of passage in so many ways, and whilst many relationships don’t last after college has finished and the real world begins, a few do manage to stand the test of time.
Despite that, dating in college is full of upsides and downsides. It can be tough, it can be cut-throat, and it can be full of competition. You thought you’d left all of that behind when you left school? No way! It’s about to crank itself up a notch!
Whether you’re about to head off to college, you’re currently at college and wondering where to start, or your son or daughter is heading off and you want to keep abreast of what might be coming your way, here are a few perils and perks of dating in college that you need to be aware of.
Dating in college is a great way to build up a support network. When you’re away from home, you need these relationships in your life, and when everything is going well, you’ll feel like you have found your own tribe. Of course, this doesn’t only include your new beau, as it will include the friends you have made yourself, as well as his or her friends too.
Dating in college tends to bring everyone together, but the trouble begins when arguments or breakups occur.
For this reason, make sure you have more than one person in your support network. It’s far too easy to become completely head over heels with a guy or girl, and then when things go sour, which they sometimes do, you’re left alone. Everyone else has formed cliques and groups, just like in school, and as a result, you’re left feeling lonely.
Expand your social network and keep it wide – if you can do that, you’re sure to love every second of your college experience, love and everything else that comes your way.
Things to Think about when Dating in College
Avoid Casual Hook-Ups
Dating does not mean hook-ups. When we talk about ‘dating’, we’re talking about forming a bond with a person, getting to know them, their likes and dislikes and even having a relationship with them, not having one-night stands or being friends with benefits. Okay, most people have a hook up or two in college and that’s completely normal, but if you make a habit of it, a) you’ll end up lonely, b) you might put yourself in difficult positions health-wise, if you’re not careful, and c) you might get a reputation you don’t deserve. Have fun by all means, but surely, it’s more fun to date and actually form a bond with someone?
Get to Know People, Give Them a Chance
The great thing about going to college is that you get to meet people from all over the country, not just from your local area. First impressions can be strong, but don’t write someone off because they perhaps didn’t make the greatest first impression on you – remember that people going to college for the first time are nervous, just like you, and this can cause them to act in a way which isn’t really who they are. You might meet the new love of your life and cast them aside because they were a little too shy the first time you met, or you didn’t click right away. Give people a chance! Dating in college is usually about the things you never expected, after all.
If You Meet Someone, Don’t Give up Your College Life
The single biggest peril of dating in college – falling in love and giving it all up for a guy or a girl. Everything feels so strong at this time in your life, so it’s easy to think ‘it’s here, I’ve met the one!’, when in actual fact you need to slow down just a little.
So many college studies meet someone, start dating and then they give up their entire network of new friends, their social lives and their studies begin to fall by the wayside too. Keep your life ticking along, dating in college is meant to enhance your experience and your life, not make it less or smaller. Remember, this new relationship of yours isn’t guaranteed to last, and if it does go wrong, do you want to be alone, having thrown away an important experience? Of course not.
Think of The Future Before You Become Too Attached
With all this new-found independence, it’s so easy to think that it’s going to last forever, purely because everything feels so intense. Many relationships which are strong during college, don’t make it afterwards. Sorry, but this is something you need to know. That doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to you for sure, but it’s something you need to think about. Don’t cut your dreams and future career aspirations down because you’ve met someone, if they’re meant to stay in your life they will somehow find a way to be there, and they won’t force you to be less than you’re supposed to be. The same thing applies to their aspirations, let them fly and see where you both end up.
Jealousy Might Rear Its Ugly Head
The final point we need to make about dating in college is that it can be a cut-throat business. People get jealous, other girls or guys might not like your new union, and as a result, you find all manner of high school trickery going on. You thought that was all done? No way! College is an extension, but with more intent.
Dating in college is an experience that everyone should have. Provided you can keep your head, keep your focus on your studies, and build your support network, you’ll look back on it with very fond memories indeed.
If you transported yourself back around 30 years, the world would look extremely different. No cell phones, no Internet, and if you mentioned an iPad, someone would think you were talking about an aid for improving vision! No, the world has changed drastically over the last few decades, and noticeably in the world of dating.
There are some upsides to how we date these days, and there are several downsides.
The main advantage is that if you don’t have the guts to walk up to that guy or girl you’ve been crushing on and ask them out on a date, you don’t have to – we have social media for that.
On the flip-side, dating is somewhat impersonal nowadays, and dating in 2019 is far more about dating virtually than actually sitting down and spending quality time together, away from the subtle intrusion of Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, or whichever platform is your option of choice!
For every positive in life we have a negative, and vice versa. In terms of dating, this is probably the single biggest change we have noticed over the last few years.
Sliding into The DMs
Dating in 2019 is all about the online world, there’s no denying it. If you see someone you like at work, college, or somewhere else you have the capacity to find out their name, it’s highly likely that you’ll be checking their online presence the first chance you get. If you’re not registered on a particular platform, you’ll get your friend to do the checking. And then? Well, you check their profile for any undesirable traits, e.g. a wedding ring, an unhealthy obsession with video games, or a penchant for far too extreme sports, and you then check their friends list, to find out if you have any competition.
Once that procedure is finished, there’s only one thing left to do – slide into their DMs. Yes, you message them. It’s likely you’ll spend an hour or so agonising over what to write, and then simply stick with the basics – ‘hi, how are you?’ Not so imaginative, but hey, it’s an ice breaker!
This is how many relationships begin, but it is also how many relationships end. You see, social media might be a wonderful tool when dating in 2019, but it is also one of the biggest reasons that relationships break up too. As you can see, every positive has a negative to balance it out.
The Rise of Online Dating
We’re also much more likely to think seriously about online dating these days too. Once upon a time, if you tried online dating, you did it in secret; if anyone found out, you would be the source of jokes for a few days afterwards. Dating in 2019 encompasses and embraces the online dating world, and with the rise of casual dating apps like Tinder, you can sit on the bus and find the potential prince to your princess, or princess to your prince, in a matter of seconds.
Put simply, dating things days is much more convenient than it ever used to be, but has that taken some of the shine and excitement out of it? You could argue that yes, it has.
Whilst nobody ever relished having to pluck up the courage and make the first move, e.g. go over and actually speak with your mouth and not typing with your fingers, it created that sense of anticipation, that ‘will they say yes?’ moment, and the beating heart, sweaty palms that also took place. It was a minor heart attack, but it was intoxicating, and when they said yes, oh the feeling of euphoria! Dating in 2019 is more about suggestive emojis and the bleep of an incoming text message. Of course, you still get a thrill when he or she has replied to your message, but is it really the same?
One of the advantages of this technological dating world is that the stigma from online dating sites has disappeared. It’s much more acceptable to look online and find someone who has the same interests as you, talk for a while via message, before deciding whether or not to meet up in person, compared to having a chat with someone in a bar and wasting your time when you realise they don’t match the idea you had in your head.
Is Safety a Major Problem with Dating in 2019?
The problem with using the online world is safety. You do not know if the person you think you’re speaking to is actually a reality, or a fake identity you’re being sold. For instance, a few years ago we were all hyper-aware of chat rooms, especially in terms of teenagers talking to who they thought were other teenagers, but actually turned out to be older men or women. In this case, you don’t know if that charming, handsome man who claims to be a doctor is actually the guy you’re imagining, or whether it is really a guy who is the total opposite. Similarly, you might think you’re about to meet a Jessica Rabbit-esque model for a date, but it’s quite a different story in reality.
We’re all about Netflix and chill, but that means going back to someone’s house, a place you’re not familiar with, and a place you’re actually very vulnerable in. Dating in 2019 means we need to be far more careful about our general safety, because we’re opening ourselves up to someone else much faster than we ever did before. Social media helps us share our lives to a degree that was unprecedented in the past. The general rules of safety apply – common sense must always prevail, and never meet someone you don’t know somewhere other than a public place. Do not allow the excitement of meeting someone new overtake your sense of safety and general comfort. Always listen to your gut!
So, has dating in 2019 become harder or easier? And is it better or worse? The jury is out!