If you transported yourself back around 30 years, the world would look extremely different. No cell phones, no Internet, and if you mentioned an iPad, someone would think you were talking about an aid for improving vision! No, the world has changed drastically over the last few decades, and noticeably in the world of dating.
There are some upsides to how we date these days, and there are several downsides.
The main advantage is that if you don’t have the guts to walk up to that guy or girl you’ve been crushing on and ask them out on a date, you don’t have to – we have social media for that.
On the flip-side, dating is somewhat impersonal nowadays, and dating in 2019 is far more about dating virtually than actually sitting down and spending quality time together, away from the subtle intrusion of Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, or whichever platform is your option of choice!
For every positive in life we have a negative, and vice versa. In terms of dating, this is probably the single biggest change we have noticed over the last few years.
Sliding into The DMs
Dating in 2019 is all about the online world, there’s no denying it. If you see someone you like at work, college, or somewhere else you have the capacity to find out their name, it’s highly likely that you’ll be checking their online presence the first chance you get. If you’re not registered on a particular platform, you’ll get your friend to do the checking. And then? Well, you check their profile for any undesirable traits, e.g. a wedding ring, an unhealthy obsession with video games, or a penchant for far too extreme sports, and you then check their friends list, to find out if you have any competition.
Once that procedure is finished, there’s only one thing left to do – slide into their DMs. Yes, you message them. It’s likely you’ll spend an hour or so agonising over what to write, and then simply stick with the basics – ‘hi, how are you?’ Not so imaginative, but hey, it’s an ice breaker!
This is how many relationships begin, but it is also how many relationships end. You see, social media might be a wonderful tool when dating in 2019, but it is also one of the biggest reasons that relationships break up too. As you can see, every positive has a negative to balance it out.
The Rise of Online Dating
We’re also much more likely to think seriously about online dating these days too. Once upon a time, if you tried online dating, you did it in secret; if anyone found out, you would be the source of jokes for a few days afterwards. Dating in 2019 encompasses and embraces the online dating world, and with the rise of casual dating apps like Tinder, you can sit on the bus and find the potential prince to your princess, or princess to your prince, in a matter of seconds.
Put simply, dating things days is much more convenient than it ever used to be, but has that taken some of the shine and excitement out of it? You could argue that yes, it has.
Whilst nobody ever relished having to pluck up the courage and make the first move, e.g. go over and actually speak with your mouth and not typing with your fingers, it created that sense of anticipation, that ‘will they say yes?’ moment, and the beating heart, sweaty palms that also took place. It was a minor heart attack, but it was intoxicating, and when they said yes, oh the feeling of euphoria! Dating in 2019 is more about suggestive emojis and the bleep of an incoming text message. Of course, you still get a thrill when he or she has replied to your message, but is it really the same?
One of the advantages of this technological dating world is that the stigma from online dating sites has disappeared. It’s much more acceptable to look online and find someone who has the same interests as you, talk for a while via message, before deciding whether or not to meet up in person, compared to having a chat with someone in a bar and wasting your time when you realise they don’t match the idea you had in your head.
Is Safety a Major Problem with Dating in 2019?
The problem with using the online world is safety. You do not know if the person you think you’re speaking to is actually a reality, or a fake identity you’re being sold. For instance, a few years ago we were all hyper-aware of chat rooms, especially in terms of teenagers talking to who they thought were other teenagers, but actually turned out to be older men or women. In this case, you don’t know if that charming, handsome man who claims to be a doctor is actually the guy you’re imagining, or whether it is really a guy who is the total opposite. Similarly, you might think you’re about to meet a Jessica Rabbit-esque model for a date, but it’s quite a different story in reality.
We’re all about Netflix and chill, but that means going back to someone’s house, a place you’re not familiar with, and a place you’re actually very vulnerable in. Dating in 2019 means we need to be far more careful about our general safety, because we’re opening ourselves up to someone else much faster than we ever did before. Social media helps us share our lives to a degree that was unprecedented in the past. The general rules of safety apply – common sense must always prevail, and never meet someone you don’t know somewhere other than a public place. Do not allow the excitement of meeting someone new overtake your sense of safety and general comfort. Always listen to your gut!
So, has dating in 2019 become harder or easier? And is it better or worse? The jury is out!
Often we decide something is not right for us before we even give it a try! For example, many of our clients say, ‘Online dating is for losers.’ They have never tried it nor do they know the variety of sites or people out their in cyberspace. If you do this sort of nay-saying, take a step back and try something new. You never know what will come of it…
Often singles wait around for the perfect partner to come
save them. Meanwhile they won’t travel, buy a house or take a vacation. If you are happy, you are much more attractive. Start loving yourself the way you want to be loved. Write down some things you’d love to do and make them happen. You’ll be a radiant and more interesting date.
LEARN TO DEAL WITH NO –
No is just a word like yes. Often when we are rejected on a date, we reject ourselves. We tell ourselves that no one will want to date us ever again and we give up. Being rejected is a normal part of dating, so, learn to say something positive to yourself like, ‘I am wonderful and the right guy will stick around.’ Then keep dating.
BE CLEAR & REASONABLE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT –
It helps to be clear when you are looking for the right mate. Take some time and make a list of the qualities that are most important to you. Also know what you won’t accept. Make sure your list is reasonable because no one is perfect. With your eye on the target you will hone in on appropriate matches.
TAKE CONSISTENT ACTION –
In order to manifest goals, we need to take action. Pick two things a week that you will do to meet new people and hold yourself accountable for going out. To get the best results, you need to be willing to put in the effort.
ENLIST HELP –
Everyone does better with a cheerleader or team. If dating is hard for you, enlist support. Gather your single friends to go out with you to events. Ask the people who love you to fix you up. If you want confidential support, consider hiring a professional dating coach like myself, to keep you in action and on track.
LOOK BEYOND ‘YOUR TYPE’-
Often we pick the same partners again and again, even if the package looks different. Try something new. Sometimes it’s the man an inch shorter than your height restriction that sweeps you off your feet and proposes, making you happier than you ever thought possible. Get out
of your own way and give someone new a chance. You may be very happy you did.
LEARN WHAT ‘STOPS YOU” IN DATING & MOVE PAST IT-Examine your past dating patterns, limiting beliefs, actions or defensive styles.
STAY POSITIVE –
Just because you haven’t met the partner of your dreams yet, doesn’t mean you should give up on love. Commit to meeting all kinds of new prospects and having fun. Learn about yourself and find something to like in every date or situation. People will be attracted to your good energy and will want to be around you.
LEARN FROM EVERYONE YOU MEET –
Just because each date won’t turn out to be your spouse, does not mean that it was a waste of time. Choose to appreciate something and learn something from every date. It will leave your dates feeling great and you will find dating to be a much more positive and meaningful experience.
We hope you enjoyed our top 10 dating tips and Happy Dating!